Thursday, December 10, 2009

Lesson 04: Toilet bowl trajectory

The next lesson to learn about buying a toilet bowl is to be imaginative when you look at it. Specifically, you have to imagine your WC in all its most gory detail.

Ours, so it seems, has turned out to be the poster child of horror toilet bowls from the dark side. Innocuous on the surface, this monster has a ceramic portion from the front of the bowl going some two thirds of the way towards the back of the bowl. Coupled with water that doesn't fill past the surface of this ceramic portion, one ends up with very little water in the bowl to do all the dirty work of catching one's excrement when it exits one's proverbial arse.

What all this means is that we've got ourselves a streak-prone toilet bowl. It's an insanely poor architecture, but there just isn't enough water filling up the bowl to stop the shit from falling and getting stuck on the ceramic portion. The only way to prevent this from happening is to develop a technique where you actually shit backwards. The change in trajectory of the shit would cause it to hit the water and not cause streaks.

Honestly, though, I don't know if I will ever master this technique. I think putting a powerful spray hose next to the toilet bowl is a better option. Either that or keeping a crap-eating, ceramic-clinging, flush-resistant pet from the tropical jungles of Borneo. Just gotta make sure it doesn't bite.


Jeanie said...

Hey, a powerful spray hose fixed next to the mighty great bowl is a must, believe me. It's spray is so powerful you can use it to wash your bathroom walls with great ease, not to mention anything else within its orbit! If you fix two, you both can engage in water wars ! Great fun, haha !

Vernon said...

Why oh why did I have to read this before lunch. Ugh...

Misci everyone!

Roger said...

What you can do is to try crapping with the toilet seat up so that can move further back.

The tricky part is levitating your butt in a squatting position over the toilet bowl and getting the cross hairs just right.

It does help to build up the hamstring and gluteous maximus muscles though...

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